


a crooked love, in a straight line down

by taylorschoni



Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: Cheryl Blossom Needs a Hug, Don't Kill Me, F/F, Hurt Cheryl Blossom, Hurt Toni, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Not Canon Compliant, Slow Burn, Toni Topaz Needs a Hug, and toni and veronica are dating, kinda like a breakup get back together fic, sorry for the lopaz but it'll get better, this is kinda slow burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-27
Updated: 2019-03-27
Packaged: 2019-12-25 11:39:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18260534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taylorschoni/pseuds/taylorschoni
Summary: Toni and Cheryl broke up almost 2 years ago, and upon hearing about how Toni and Veronica are getting serious, Cheryl decides to send the girl one last letter that holds things she hadn't been able to say aloud. But maybe it might not be too late for them, and maybe, that letter might not be the last.ORToni and Cheryl are broken up but they both still love each other because I expect nothing less from my babies.





	a crooked love, in a straight line down

**Author's Note:**

> hey, this is my first fic, so i hope you all like it! okay, so before i begin, there's this one part where i mention that toni and veronica are together, and its kinda weird bc i wrote toni as still heartbroken over cheryl and dating veronica, which is something neither ronnie nor toni would do to cheryl. so that doesn't make at much sense, but i needed toni to be with someone for the story and veronica was the first person i thought of.
> 
> this is sort of my take of if toni didn't fight for her girl after cheryl asked her to get out. anyway, onto the angst.

Toni dropped her keys after hastily trying to open the door to her apartment. Yeah, she had _finally_ gotten an apartment after months of saving up. Just the thought of it made her happy beyond belief. She let out a sharp curse and hurriedly picked them up, ready to spend the rest of her night lounging on her couch watching random shows on Netflix.

When she opened the door, a small manila envelope, thin enough to slide under the door, caught Toni’s eye. Curiously, she picked it up and examined it. While closing her front door, she tried to find the sender’s name, but all there was on the outside was a messily scrawled:

**For TT xox.**

She could recognize that handwriting anywhere, and maybe that was why her breathing turned so shaky, her legs were a little weaker and heart beating significantly faster than before. Because that small envelope contained the remains of a relationship that had failed, a relationship she had failed _at_.

She spent what seemed like forever gazing at her name, written by the person that she would once cut her heart out for. And she still would. Cheryl was everything she wanted, everything she needed, and when they split, the air felt like water she was drowning in, the ground felt like hot coals she was stepping on.

With trembling hands, Toni practically ripped the envelope apart to reveal a creased and folded piece of paper, red of course, that held a lot of words. She carefully set the sheet of paper of the tabletop, covering her face with her hands, incredulous. What was on that paper? Was she ready to shatter her heart yet again?

She felt like the world had just dropped a bomb on her, and then started hitting her with it. Repeatedly. But something inside told her that these words were it. The answers to the questions that had rained upon her ever since Cheryl kicked her out. Well, ever since she walked out and didn't fight for _the love of her life_.

She was _such a dumbass_ , and she knew that, but she just couldn't go back sing a happy song about a threesome, and then prance into the arms of Cheryl. She wasn't ready before.

And now? To read this letter? Oh she wasn’t even remotely ready. Still, she needed to know what Cheryl were hiding. She needed to know what her ex-girlfriend wanted to tell her. Although she's heard the happy part of the relationship half a year ago, the “I love you’s” and the drowsy chuckles, Toni knew this would be the sad part, the part where the world comes crumbling onto her shoulders even more than before. The one that would make her cry your eyes out, make her want to set her heart on fire and feel guilty until she drowned within the hurt and heartbreak.

But something in her _knew._ Maybe it was the shock, or the hurt, but she knew she had to do this. And that made her get up, picked a glass from a cabinet and poured a shot in it. The burning sensation of Vodka swallowed her fear, and sitting once more, she picked up the letter.

_Inhale._

_Exhale._

And then she opened it. She opened it with sheer determination. The amount of words filling such a small space was surprising, but words were always _Cheryl’s_ thing.

 

_Hey._

_I know, that was a bad start, but let me explain. This might be surprising, to hear from me after such a long time. 2 years, huh? I remember when you were on your Pretty Poison missions and I would cry myself to sleep every night, and that was only for a few hours. Unexpected, right? To hear from your ex-girlfriend when you've already got someone else. Someone else to love, to kiss, to hug. Someone else who loves you, who kisses you, who hugs you, and cuddles with you even after you’re disgusting and sweaty._

_I see the pictures of kisses on cheeks you guys post on Instagram, and I'm happy, I really, truly am, for you and Ronnie. It was surprising even for me, since I never knew how to do this “girlfriend” thing, but still wanted to “stay friends.” But you know we could never be just friends. So here I am, taking the coward’s way out and writing you this letter._

Toni Topaz and Veronica Lodge. Veronica had been the one to comfort her when she was heartbroken after the breakup, and vice versa when Veronica was heartbroken about Reggie. But just recently, Veronica realized that she swung "both ways," and then just a month ago, they were official. Maybe she was Veronica's rebound from Reggie, but she wanted to feel loved, and Veronica did that for her.

_You were the exception to everything. Southsiders, Serpents, people, friends, everything. Because you’re not just my ex-girlfriend to me. You were my great and true love, my light at the end of the dark, dark, tunnel. But mostly, you were my world. You were the one who held me during the dark days where Jason would come up and haunt me, scare me, something I never thought would happen. You were the one who kissed the fear away. You were the one who taught me how to love myself, how to be confident and how to appreciate_ **_me_ ** _. You were the one who kissed away the tears from my cheeks. The one who stayed up all night just to make me smile once. You were the only one who_ **_tried._ **

And there it was. The ache in her chest before she knew she would burst out crying and hold nothing back. Because it _hurt_. It hurt so, so , so much to know that Toni was _really_ Cheryl’s one and only, because she really didn't have anyone else. But she failed Cheryl, just like she failed her parents, just like she failed the Serpents. No, no, no. she was with Veronica, happy and in love.

_When we broke it off, I had been so angry at myself, at you, even though you had nothing to do with it. I'm so, sorry. For not realizing that you were suffocating, and i was the air that was drowning you. For letting you go the way that I did. For letting heartbreak make its way into your beautiful heart. I was supposed to fight. For you. For_ **_us_ ** _. I was supposed to make you stay, to promise you that everything would have been better._

_But I failed. I failed you and I failed us. I lost the most precious person I have ever known and the most precious person I ever will. I lost the beautiful eyes that would look in mine and the beautiful smile that I could wake up to every morning and the beautiful lips that would kiss the hate away, and pain away, the hurt away._

_And I want to say I'm sorry. I'm sorry for not giving you enough of my love. I'm sorry for giving you too much of my love. I'm sorry for trying and failing. I'm sorry for the way things ended and continued to fall apart. I'm sorry for all the pain and heartbreak I caused you along these past years. I'm sorry that I might never have another tomorrow with you I'm sorry. For everything that I did or didn’t do. I'm sorry._

Toni was screaming in pain, and there was nothing anyone could do. Her tears ran down her face, with no one to kiss them away. Her body trembled, with no one to hold her. But worst of all, her heart was breaking even more than before, with no one to pour love into it and pick the pieces up and bury the ache away. Not Veronica, not Cheryl. No one.

_Since you were and still are a special person to me, I wrote this letter not because I'm a scaredy cat. Remember the first time you took me on your motorcycle? I was scared shitless and held onto you for dear life. It’s pretty ironic that I’m even more scared now than I was back then on your motorcycle, but this time it's because I don't want to see you._

_On the contrary, if I could see you just one more time, not to glare at you, but to look into your eyes and get lost in those beautiful and mesmerizing brown pools of kindness, I would do it. I would go up to you and tell you how much it hurt and how much I love you. The things I wanted to say but couldn’t. But it hurts too much. It hurts too much to see someone you long for and know that you won't talk to them again if not on the internet._

_I wanted to give you this letter because I wanted to tell you the things I hadn't been able to utter when we last saw each other almost a year and a half ago. I wanted this to be my last words to you. My last goodbye._

_I'm not expecting you to reply to me. I just want you to be happy, and if dating Ronnie is what makes you happy, then go for it. I'm sure she knows she's a lucky girl and she's got everything that I've ever wanted._

(Some spots that looked like dried tears were scattered on the bottom of the page, and if all old wounds hadn’t yet been reopened, this was the last straw on the camel’s back, and Toni reeled forward in heartache.)

_If you read all of this, thanks. Know that I love you and that you will always have my heart, even though yours is someone else's now._

_Forever and always,_

_Cheryl M Blossom_

 

Toni put down the piece of paper but it didn't stop the tears from flowing out of her eyes. She cried when she read the letter for the millionth time and she cried when she realized that Veronica could never be it for her. Maybe her heart was still Cheryl's.

Cheryl had burned her heart with her words, and the worst part about it all was that she didn't even leave the ashes behind her path.

And Toni never had the chance to fight for her when they left each other, broken and alone, but she would this time, even if she didn't know it yet.  
  


 

 


End file.
